My daughter came back from school and told me one of her fellow pupil called her a “bitch”. She answered him it was fine as she liked female dogs.
At first I decided it was better for her to deal with it herself, as I don’t want to intervene too much. The only advice I gave her is she was allowed to respond on a same level (an eye for an eye right?).
I know it’s not very Christian as they teach you to turn the other cheek, but I’m not Christian, a religion that believes in suffering (masochists!).
If I learnt one thing growing is if you let people step on your toes, they are not going to stop there, then it is your snack, your pocket money, your trousers and so on (not to mention pride and self confidence). Whilst I believe a simple NO or STOP can suffice in most situation, there are people whom are switched off and wired on fear they provoke and only resistance make them doubt.
I don’t believe this kid is bad, however after viewing a video on bullying showing the trajectory of a bullied girl, I decided to act on it and not tolerate a “simple” verbal abuse.
Actions have consequences and my daughter has my ear and attention, I teach her she is the first one who can protect herself but in case of needs she can count on me. I thought I needed to demonstrate it.
So after school I spoke to the mother of the “mouthful kid “about confronting her colourful child in an amicable manner with the presence of my daughter.
I have to precise I warned my daughter in the morning and told her we needed to ensure he wouldn’t repeat the same mistake, I told her it was for his benefit as much as hers.
So we collected our kids. My daughter became hesitant; I thought to myself: why would she be hesitant if she told the truth? Maybe she is just feeling the weight of confrontation (Who likes confrontations? Sociopaths maybe).
So I started my amazing rehearsed speech on respect for woman, respect for people in general.
The “poet kid” denied saying such a thing, at this moment I felt my daughter’s discomfort (Is she doubting her statement or just annoyed of his denial?)
STUPEFACTION! She came back on her statement and said he may not have said this ugly word directly to her but to another kid present at the time of the crime (my head spun with incertitude but I kept my countenance).
Strong of this new light the mum of the “lyrical kid” charges with ‘if he said that he is sorry’, ‘IF’!
Mad at her for allowing him to get away with it and mad at my daughter for bottling it, for cracking under pressure at the thirteenth hour.
Well as much in a discomfort I was, it didn’t show and I settled for “Bottom line is no one should ever be using such a word and I hope that would never happen again” shooting straight into the eyes of the “savage kid”, ignoring the mother.
Of course I had a word with my daughter afterwards, I don’t take everything she tells me for gospel, so I used the same piercing look to extract the truth. I’m 100% sure the kid said it but not sure it was addressed to her (she’s not sure either).
After a hard long reflection on the matter I’m not sure if she told me the story because she was proud of her answer or she wanted to know my reaction, maybe both.
One thing is for sure. No one should verbally abuse anyone. She reacted and I reacted, I hope I have covered all the angles (I hope).